How to Kill It at Kris Kringle (whether you’re Naughty or Nice)

You may hear the words “Kris Kringle” and cringe, and often, you’d be right too. Memories come flooding back of the year before and the year before that. Ditching Ken from accounts under the mistletoe (he misread your card as an invitation), and saving Susan from marketing from herself (she should never have been gifted a goon bag!).

Then there’s the family Secret Santa situation. Uncle John accuses you of cheating because you got your cousin again (yes, she’s easy to buy for!) and Aunty Judy reminds everyone that she only works part-time these days so don’t expect anything fancy.

But that’s the point of Kris Kringle – it’s random, it’s often disappointing but it’s almost always entertaining.

Whether you go old school and draw names out of a hat, or prefer an online name generator to avoid accusations of peeking, being forced not to play favourites puts everyone involved in a uniquely equal position. You have to get your person something whether you like it or not.

The upside? You don’t have to spend much, and because Kris Kringle is a Noel-time novelty, it shouldn’t really be anything spectacular or sensible either. Being a cheapskate, Grinch or a Scrooge is celebrated, and you can turn your attention to buying funny Kris Kringle gifts under $20 without any complaints.

So, without further ado, Ho Ho Homing Instincts (sorry, couldn’t resist!) has every kind of gift you’d need to make this year’s Kris Kringle a cracker!

The Boss

So, you got the Boss Man / Boss Lady. Yikes, that’s a tough one! You don’t want anything that says idiot, or anything that says smart arse. Worked themed snazzy socks can make for great Kris Kringle gifts, with Coolest Guy on the Conference Call for the Boss Man, and I’m Not Bossy I’m The Boss for the Boss Lady, or pick a unisex pair that’s universal in its theme, like This Meeting Is Bullshit.

Pray they have a sense of humour and get them a cheeky desk sign, either World’s Okayest Boss or Friday is my Second Favourite F-Word. If they’re partial to stashing more than just paperwork in their desk drawers, class it up a bit with a stealth mobile phone flask or secret sunscreen flask (and if their tendency toward drinking too much was something only you knew, well now, everyone knows. The more the merrier, we say – it is Christmas after all!)

And is your boss a notorious toilet break tyrant, paranoid about productivity lost to bog breaks? Buy them a Koolface Poo Timer (I told you we have everything). Now they’ll really know who is being as quick as they can, who is taking way too long and who needs to see a doctor.

The Colleague

If you pull Ken or Susan’s name out of the hat, you have a good idea now of what not to get them, but for every other workmate, there are a lot of killer Kris Kringle gifts under $20 to choose from. For the unapologetic office f-bomber, a Good Morning F**kers mug will do the trick, or a Fully Vaccinated, But Still Keep The F*ck Away mug for a worrywart worker.

Sarcastic daily desk affirmations should satisfy the one who is always going to quit but never does, whilst Mr or Mrs Fashionably Late can advertise their tardiness with an I Always Arrive Late To Work But I Make Up For It By Leaving Early sign.

What about that frustrating dumb or slack co-worker who not only manages to hold on to their job, but to be the boss’ favourite too? Don’t be afraid to put them in their place with a box of How To Appear Smart At Work cards by Gift Republic (and maybe grab yourself a set whilst you’re there!)

Remind The Workaholic that there’s more to life with some Happy Hour Attire, featuring a bottle holder tie and a pair of bottle opener glasses, and make a not-so-subtle suggestion to the resident Desk-eater to mind their mess with the USB powered World's Smallest Vacuum Cleaner.

The Partner

Now, when it comes to teasing your beloved (in a silly way or in a sexy way), we’ve got some of the best Kris Kringle gift ideas for you.

If you love your girlfriend, and love cups of tea, combine the two and treat her to an Addition Studio Giant Bath Brew Teabag. If she’s a mama, get her a card that screams “amirite, ladies?!” like La La Land’s Peace & Joy They Said design. Then run.

If she’s got some serious sass, get her a pair of statement socks like I’m A Delicate F**king Flower, Cute But Psycho, Motherf**king Girl Power or Bitch I Am Relaxed.

Not sure what to buy the boyfriend? First of all, get a Tits The Season card. Nuff said. Then playfully threaten his manhood with a pair of novelty of MDI’s Tiny Hands and a Micro Penis Mug.

And wrap it all up in paper that says ‘Nice Package’.

The Bestie

Don’t think you can get a Kris Kringle gift for under $20 that’s entertaining and educational for your BFF? Think again! Featuring 100 cards each, our How To Swear Around The World In Other Languages and How To Swear Around The World In Sign Language sets will give your friend a rather impressively inappropriate and offensive talent.

If your mate loves a party game, you can’t go past the Tic Tac Toe Drinking Game or a cheeky round of Adult Charades. Do they love a good TV show binge? Blue Q’s One More Episode socks is the perfect accessory.

Or if they’re a bit of a drama llama, buy them a Crying Kim K air freshener for the car (because, like, who doesn’t have a meltdown in the car?!). And don’t forget to gift wrap whatever you get in middle finger printed wrapping paper, of course.

The Family

Christmas with the relos usually involves too much food, too many bubbles, and a lot of laughs, and now you can contribute to the latter with an extra funny Kris Kringle present, no matter who’s name you got.

A Yes Dear button (with phrases including “If you're happy, I'm happy” and 'What a wonderful idea!") is perfect for your Dad to use on your Mum, and a Bullshit button is just right for your Mum to use for your Dad. You can also buy your Mum some handy Onion Glasses in Dame Edna style to avoid more crying while cooking antics, and give your Dad the hint to up his bad humour game with a book of Cheesy Jokes.

Got a bible-bashing grandparent to get a gift for? Sing Halleluiah with a choice of a sin washing Jesus Soapor Jesus Dashboard Dancer. If your uncle paranoid about losing his hair, get him a Baldy’s Buffer hairbrush for the follically challenged. Has your cousin gone vegan and you’re worried no-one in the family will love them anymore? Get them a game of Vegan / Not Vegan to remind them why going vego is a big missed steak.

Little kids in the family?

Treat them to a White Christmas with a can of Instant Snow (duck now to avoid a face full), Poodolph The Singing Keychain or a novelty Grow Santa. And tease the older kids about the fact that they’ll never be able to afford anything with a little Own Your Own Home or Own Your Own Sports Car.

So, happy Kris Kringling and may your presents make a fa-la-la-la-lasting impression!